Elijah

What can I say about the last month. God truly blessed us with a beautiful grandson on December 4th. Elijah James Russell came into the world wonderfully made and perfect in every way...then Satan came in to steal him away. Elijah walked into the arms of Jesus just two weeks later. It was a hard fight. I came out of it with what felt like a few bruises, but let me tell you, I left my mark on him as well. I may not have been much of a threat in the past, but he knows my name now (Acts 19:15). I couldn't be more proud of Aaron, Katie, Glen and Mary (Katie's parents) and Tracye. There were prayers and intercessions going up in faith around the clock. Pastor Ron and Betsy, Brendan, Fran, Dawn and Jason were our rocks.

Through all this, my faith grew to levels I never thought I would need, let alone expect to have. God never failed me. His grace was and is sufficient for me. I praise God Almighty for the vacation in Colorado that caused me to get alone with Him; for Pastor Ron speaking directly into my life; and for the time I have had to prepare for this walk in the last months. If it had not been for these events in my life, I'm convinced I would not be walking with the Lord today. My mom's death was hard on my faith...this would have destroyed it. I'm pretty sure that Tracye and I would not have survived this blow...I would have walked away from everything and everyone...I had gotten to that level. But PRAISE GOD, my ROCK, my FORTRESS, my STRENGTH, my COMFORTER, my ENCOURAGER. I know that I know HE LIVES. My founding scripture that got me through the week was from Hebrews 10:26 through 11:3 (Message):

"If we give up and turn our backs on all we've learned, all we've been given, all the truth we now know, we repudiate Christ's sacrifice and are left on our own to face the Judgment—and a mighty fierce judgment it will be! If the penalty for breaking the law of Moses is physical death, what do you think will happen if you turn on God's Son, spit on the sacrifice that made you whole, and insult this most gracious Spirit? This is no light matter. God has warned us that He'll hold us to account and make us pay. He was quite explicit: "Vengeance is mine, and I won't overlook a thing" and "God will judge his people." Nobody's getting by with anything, believe me.

Remember those early days after you first saw the light? Those were the hard times! Kicked around in public, targets of every kind of abuse—some days it was you, other days your friends. If some friends went to prison, you stuck by them. If some enemies broke in and seized your goods, you let them go with a smile, knowing they couldn't touch your real treasure. Nothing they did bothered you, nothing set you back.

So don't throw it all away now. You were sure of yourselves then. It's still a sure thing! But you need to stick it out, staying with God's plan so you'll be there for the promised completion. It won't be long now, He's on the way; He'll show up most any minute. But anyone who is right with Me thrives on loyal trust; if he cuts and runs, I won't be very happy. But we're not quitters who lose out. Oh, no! We'll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. By faith, we see the world called into existence by God's word, what we see created by what we don't see."

My plan at this point is to be around for the promised completion ~ which is the experience of eternal life. I am not a quitter and I have learned what loyal trust is...what an established heart is. My firm foundation is my trust in God!

During the time Elijah was in PICU, we had Brother Kenneth Hagin's healing scriptures being piped into his little body (by way of an MP3 player thanks to Ann). I had a dream the night we finally got the chance to sleep. In the dream, Elijah and I were walking along in heaven, hand in hand, when we heard some voices behind us. Elijah looked up at me with a smile and said "Papi, I know that voice!" We turned around and there was Brother Hagin, teaching a class under a tree beside a stream. What a blessing to know that the two of them are together now.

There may be thousands of reasons why Elijah wasn't healed, but even though he wasn't, it doesn't mean that it was God's will or that He isn't the ultimate Physician. I was praying shortly after the funeral and finally allowed myself to ask God "why?". He told me "There will be a day when I will know the answer to that question, and on that day I won't care. Elijah will be in my arms, smiling and holding my face in his hands, and giving me all the love he has for me." What a day that will be...

Papi loves you, Elijah. I'll see you in my dreams and when I look into your daddy's face. I'll feel the warmth of your love in your mommy's smile and your Nanna's hugs will comfort me until I am able to hold you again at last.